Dependence

The Curse of Dependence

There is a certain class of parents in our society who choose to sacrifice their own wishes, ignore their wants and spend every single dime earned with sheer hard work on their child's upbringing. When one puts their heart and soul into anything, it is human nature to develop an undying expectation about the output. If the output is exactly the way we wished for it to be life seems worth living. If not, then William Shakespeare tells us that the expectation is the root of all heartache.

Can someone take me back to that very moment when our parents stopped feeling proud of 'our child (her/him) helps us with the house work and can take care of many house chores' and started feeling great pride in bragging about, '(mere bachay/bachi ne toh aaj tak glass ko hath tak nahi lagaya, ghar ka kaam toh dur ki baat) my son/daughter has not touched a glass till date let alone helping with house chores'.

Pick and drop, ironing clothes, polishing shoes, taking care of every house chore, arranging rooms, preparing food, choosing what subjects must be studied, what career path must one opt for, how,who and when to get married, when and how many children must be given birth to, etc .. 

With a never enough due thanks for taking care of it all but ... HELLO! What exactly are you doing Maata, Pita ji?!

Providing a comfortable life while ensuring a secure future is one thing but deciding on your own to write the very fate of your child with an attached expectation of having a doctor or an engineer in return asap, is another! While proving that you are the best parent any child could ever have (I bet which is true in many aspects) parents silently build up an immense expectation from their child that he/she is completely unaware of. Throughout life parents make their child feel like a royalty who deserves nothing but the best. Being brought up with such pampering child only learns to live life by following the only beacon of light ie mummy pappa! but parents while doing the best that they can destroy their child's ability to ever be independent. 

Let us say, a child can not come up to parents' expectation by immediately securing a job through a degree that they spent every penny on, then what? Parents with time eventually become exhausted demanding a payback (to see their child financially independent, of course) while the curse of dependence unveils itself on the child. Same Mummy Pappa who used to buy their kids expensive gifts for every achievement in life want them to manage things on their own now. How does a child who has solely looked up to their parents for every minor need of life manage living a life on their own? The child is in a dark place looking for the next step of the ladder while parents suffer a great deal of heart break as after a consistent hard work of 20 plus years they have nothing to brag about. (Sad .. if you perceive it that way)

Seeing their child hopeless, lost and disappointed after bearing all the pain and endless sacrifices parents feel punched to their core (I believe it is easy to say or type that and terrible to actually live to see it). The pain and helplessness comes out in form of ruthless arguments, heart wrenching comparisons and endless cold reactions from both sides. If none of them chooses patience over reacting every-time, living under one roof becomes impossible and the parent-child relationship eventually deteriorates.

Parents fail to realise that maybe their child is wishing and wanting to do beyond their ability but is unable to do so. Instead of addressing 'why', they end up saying awful things that might disturb their child for life. Parents loose hope in fate and the child looses faith in their own selves as time and a constant negative environment compels them to believe that they are mere failures.

If parents expect an immediate payback for their hard work, if they wish for their children to be independent as soon as possible then every parents must teach their kids how to tackle the 'what if not' stages of life with confidence. 

What if Dad does not let you use the car? It is okay to walk.

What if Mummy cannot pay for the expensive dresses? The not too fancy ones will suffice too. 

What if I do not find a job related to my respective major? No job is big or small.

What if I do not immediately find a job with a six digit salary? Earning a little is better than earning nothing.

What if I run out of cash? Importance of saving ..

What if I want a Gucci bag/car that a friend got? Importance of simplicity ..

What if I want to buy clothes but there is also an electricity bill that I can contribute in paying? Importance of prioritising ..

What if I could try a different major? Importance of resilience in life ..

What if I want to try a new field of work? Importance of safe experiment ..

What if there is no one to look up to? Importance of praying .. 

What if I cannot take it anymore? Importance of never ever giving up ..

Last but not the least, to make life worth living during tough times, both parents and children should never forget the importance of patience and gratitude while keeping the expectations from each other as low as possible.